The Power of Questions with Cal Fussman

CAL’S ORIGIN STORY: LEARNING THE POWER OF QUESTIONS

• November 1963 — the assassination of President Kennedy and installation of new president Lyndon B. Johnson.
• This event had a strong impact on Cal — he was in second grade and wondered: did Lyndon B. Johnson want to be president? Was he scared or sad, how did he feel? So he wrote to the White House in a letter and asked.
• He received a letter back — this created a buzz with neighbors, at school, and it taught him a good question can get you to the most powerful person on Earth.
• The question,’How do you feel?’, was so simple, so basic, but we hardly ever hear it.

NURTURING CONNECTIONS

• All of us long to be heard.
• If I ask how do you feel that will create a connection— it shows respect and caring. You’ll respond with that same level of respect, all because I asked the question.
• Many people in conversations aren’t listening, they’re just waiting for a pause so they can break in.
• Being present in the moment and asking childlike questions can do wonders.

GETTING BACK TO CHILDHOOD CURIOSITY

• As a four-year-old, you’re about as curious as you’ll be in your life.
• Experiments show children ask up to 400 questions a day of their parents.
• If we can somehow rekindle our childhood curiosity we’ll be asking great questions all the time.

HOW WE LOSE CURIOSITY

• School: having to put your hand up to ask a question in a big room of students creates a wall that says you’re not allowed to be as curious as you were last year.
• This wall gets worse in high school, heightened fear of asking foolish questions at the age where you’re concerned about how others view you.
• You don’t lose your curiosity, it can be put in the ground and buried, but it can come back.
• Think back to the curiosity you had as a four-year-old to inform the questions you ask today.

HOW EDUCATION AFFECTS CURIOSITY

• Rumi quote: ‘Sell your cleverness for bewilderment.’
• Education gives us the answers, tells us to memorize, but in the process, we forget how to ask questions.

LESSONS FROM INTERVIEW WITH MIKHAIL GORBACHEV

• Cal’s interview for Esquire for the What I’ve Learned column: read the article here.
• Originally allocated ninety minutes to ask any questions, the interview got cut short to ten minutes.
• Asked about his father and Gorbachev extended his time.
• If Cal hadn’t aimed for Gorbachev’s heart first, he wouldn’t have got the longer interview.
• Aiming for the heart is what will activate a conversation.
• It could be as simple as asking about the photos in someone’s office — this will take the conversation to unknown places, then your curiosity will kick in and you can keep the flow going from there.